14/03/16 - WATCH THE BAG

The group had been tasked to carry a bag across countries. The job was offered to them by a random employer, and all of them had accepted it for the money. None of them knew what was inside the bag, but both of them were kind of stupid sometimes, so they didn’t bother to check what was inside. Checking inside was forbidden anyway. 

The group split into two. Jackal had been dragged away by Die Lit to other interesting-looking activities at the airport, and complied due to his fear of being caught by TSA. “If you guys get caught, don’t mention my name. Ever. I’ll run.” 

His words. 

Sergei slung the bag over his shoulder and held it for the most part. 

“I wonder what’s in here?” The hitman asked, “Can I open the bag to check, please?” he said, lightly brushing the bag’s zipper whilst walking through the aisles of the airport, first passing through security, then through the crowd of people going to their respective destinations and doing whatever it is they do. 

“No,” said the beachy-looking individual walking next to him. “You do that, we lose our money, and I’ll kill you.” 

The hitman sighed, “Oh, okay, Juno,” he said solemnly. 

Hey, “I’m saying like, those people that gave us this job, they’re like, I don’t know man. Super rich and super smart or something. You open that bag once, and they’ll know. Don’t ask me how, but they’ll know.” Juno said, “Now you don’t go around and pull stupid shit when paper’s on the line.”

The hitman lightly smirked with half-lidded eyes. “I knowwwwww, I’m just messing with you. You’re easy to rile up,” he said, lightly punching Juno. 

Juno just scoffed in response. “One day, I’ll hit your frontal lobe with a pipe, watch you lose your memory, and put you in the streets of Southeast Asia - and I’m not talking about the richer districts.” 

Sergei stared at Juno while they both walked alongside each other in the airport with that unwavering smile on his face. He isn’t affected by most of what Juno says - if not all. Call it cherry picking, but any voluminous remarks from anyone will most often pass through Sergei’s head like it’s nothing. For example, “I fucking hate you” becomes “I think you’re a great guy.” 

And that’s just how it is.

So both of them continue to make their way through the airport’s many twists and turns. Sergei was never really good with directions, but Juno knew their way around everything from experience, having traveled extensively. Knowing where you are and where you want to go is a good skill to have at all times. A skill that Sergei lacks. 

“And where are we going now?” The hitman asked. 

“Uh, I mean, our flight takes off at three-forty?” Juno said, “Check the time.” 

Sergei looked at his sleeve, where his wristwatch had been hidden neatly, because it had been stolen. “Hm, twelve-thirteen.” He said, leering back at Juno. 

“Okay, so we have time. I don’t know, man. What, wanna eat or something?” Juno said, “Check something out, maybe go for one of those expensive restos, as long as you’re paying for it.” 

“I mean, it is near twelve,” Sergei said. “Okay. We’re eating, then. So what’s it gonna be? And I’m not eating some random ass bullshit. Scratch that - I’ll take anything as long as it comes outta your pocket.” Juno joked, laughing as they did. 

“Okayyy, well, I think I can pay for it if you want. You did cover me last week.” Sergei replied.

“Cover you? You drank like five fucking bottles of straight tequila and left that stupid ass club to throw up outside. The bouncers were like, all up on my ass. They were hands down ready to kick me. I had to pay your two grand’s worth of shit so I don’t get my shit rocked.” 

Sergei laments on the memory fondly. He felt guilty for leaving Juno to pay his bill, but in his defense, he was drunk. “Sorryyy~ I won’t do it again. I’ll give you your money back! It’s a good thing you reminded me, I would have forgotten otherwise.” Sergei sheepishly said. 

“Man, those guys were like six feet something. I’m five feet six, I’m down here. I had to smile my sorry ass out of there. But whatever, man, it happens to the best of us.” Juno exclaimed, “And I’m only feeling sorry for you cause I did what you did once too - with one of my friends. The difference was that I never repaid him. I didn’t want to. But you should.”

Sergei laughed as they continued to walk through the airport. “Alright, okayy, I will.” Sergei sang. Then, Juno spotted a restaurant that looked expensive enough, and pointed at it. Sergei was curious as well, so they both went in. 

The restaurant had dim lighting, black interiors, and smelled intensely of professionalism, capitalism, and the unwavering essence of wealth. Juno had an excellent eye for spotting material things, from experience, of course. From the outside, the restaurant didn’t look special, but inside, it had a different vibe. Noir marbled floors, black steel walls, and those stingy decorations that were probably sold at an auction for reasons about money laundering. This was the right place to strip Sergei of the money that he owed to Juno. 

Cause it was two fucking grand.

Juno grabbed the bag that was on Sergei’s shoulder, the bag that was worth a fortune, and slung it over their shoulder. The restaurant’s front attendant, a woman, knew how to treat both of them, of course. Those who came into the restaurant with fancy dresses and suits were, to her eyes, not so special. But the ones who came dressed as if they didn’t care? They’re usually the primary sources of wealth. And one of the two definitely dresses like they don’t care. And so both were treated with unnecessary respect. 

The lady knew how to lead them both to a private space where all the fancily dressed people were, but instead, she led them to this more closed-off area, devoid of people. And the area looked better, grander, at least. The lady set both of them down and gave them two menus to order from. She left the area and closed the door.

“See? I know how to get to those good places.” Juno said proudly. They set the bag on the black basket located just behind them. 

“Well, this room is dim and…novel? Is that what it’s called?” Sergei nervously said. He was never good with fancy accommodations because he wasn’t used to them. 

“Yeah. Many of those expensive restaurants seem to have a preference for the color black for some reason. And dim lighting, especially those warm yellow lights.” Juno humbly declared.

“Yeah, I see…” Sergei responded stiffly. 

Juno noticed Sergei’s change in behaviour and commented on it. “Hey, don’t get so nervous. It’s not like someone’s gonna kill us in this room or anything. Why do you look like that?” 

“Well, I’m just not so…familiar with these types of places, I suppose?” Sergei said. 

“Get used to it, you’re a hitman. You kill people for money. You’re telling me you don’t spend your paychecks on fancy places?” 

“No…Lately, I have used what I earned to travel alongside you because you told me to pay for my things.” Sergei replied. 

“Yeah, okay, fair. I mean, neither do I. I don’t go to places like these unless I’m not the one paying out of my pocket. And in this case, it’s you.” Juno responded.

“And I will.” Sergei shot back, returning his usual smirk on his face. 

“Okay, sweet. Man, come on! Check what’s on the menu, get yourself something good!” Juno handed one of the menus to the man sitting in front of them. 

Sergei flipped through its pages, wondering what to choose. A lot of the options seemed stupid, like duck liver, anglerfish liver…oh, a lot of livers. 

“Yeah, I don’t know what the deal is with this place either.” Juno said, “I swear they are always selling some weird ass shit.”

“Yeah…Oh, wait, they have steaks. What’s this…from Australia?” Sergei said. 

“Yeah, I don’t know why they think the country matters. I don’t know why they put those there.” Juno responded, “You’re getting that?” 

Sergei flipped through the other pages again before settling on the one he had before. “Yeah.” 

Juno shrugged and flipped through the pages themself, settling on some exotic-looking fish dish they’ve never seen before. Trying new things, however strange, is a thing Juno just likes to do. 

Juno pressed a button, or a buzzer, set atop the table to call whoever was going to take their order. Then, after a few moments, the waiter came and took both of their orders. The total cost of their orders exceeded half a grand, plus the appetizers, plus the drinks, plus the desserts, and, most strenuous of all, the tax. 

Juno swallowed their spit before chuckling. “Well! I mean, one and a half grand or something for an experience, am I right?” 

Sergei just looked at the estimated bill in disbelief. He’s never spent more than fifty bucks on a single serving, let alone four figures. 

“You have money from whatever job it is you do, taking people out. You’ll be fine.” Juno assured. 

“Well, I’m not opposed to this idea, I think it is interesting,” Sergei responded, smirking. 

Regardless, both of them had doubts regarding this decision. After all, paying large amounts of money for something that’s going to pass through your intestines and come out as nature’s call is just a stupid thing to do, for both of them at least. 

But hey, you only live once.

Not long after, the appetizers came first. A set of decorated single servings of raw seafood placed neatly next to one another on a wooden dish. It ranged from salmon to carp, to bluefin tunas, to shrimp, and all else edible and of watery persuasion. Then came the drinks. Water in a fancy glass for Juno, and less than one-third of a glass of wine for Sergei. 

“Damn!” Juno exclaimed, “Damn, this shit is good!” They said, consuming their fifth raw fish of the day. 

Sergei chuckled, enjoying the fact that both of them were more or less enjoying this moment. “This certainly does taste good. I like it.” Sergei said, smiling. 

Sergei was about to take the last piece of raw salmon before Juno snatched it by a second. “Oh.” Juno said, “Sorry.” 

Sergei assured Juno that it was fine, but Juno felt guilty, especially since Sergei was the one paying for everything, so they handed it over to him. “Really?” Sergei teased, sneering at Juno. 

“Dude, take it before I eat it. I’ll give you like five seconds. One…two…” Sergei then waited until the count of four before taking the raw salmon away from Juno’s hand. 

“You dumbass,” Juno muttered, shaking their head while Sergei smirked. 

Then, the waiter came in with what they were waiting for…those costly dishes, some imported steak, and a funny-looking fish. As the waiter set both of the dishes down on the table, Juno started to laugh when they saw what Sergei was essentially paying for. 

“Oh, oh, I hope this shit’s worth it,” they said. 

“I hope it’s worth it as well.” The hitman said. As they both took in the sight of whatever it was that was going to end up in their respective digestive systems, Juno took the first bite. 

Juno’s face first turned into a grimace, then contemplation, then wonder. “The fuck is this?” They said in between chews.

Sergei took some of Juno’s portion to try it. 

“Hey!!” Juno exclaimed, in mock-annoyance. 

“What? Just trying it out.” He said, chuckling. Sergei tasted the fish, and he gave a similar reaction. “You’re right. What is this??” Sergei exclaimed in confusion. 

“Man, I’m sorry. Three hundred bucks for this weirdass sea creature.” Juno said, still in between chews.

“No, it’s okay. I like it, I think it tastes interesting~” Sergei said, to get a reaction from the other person. 

“Interesting? This shit’s like, I don’t know dude. Five hundred other different fish at once. It tastes like exotic or something.” Juno swallowed. 

“Really? I don’t know how to describe this sort of taste, but I do like it.” Sergei then took a bigger piece of Juno’s portion and threw it into his mouth. Juno nonchalantly stared at Sergei. 

“Okay. Well, a’ight man.” Juno said, taking a piece of Sergei’s steak instead.

Sergei reacted in surprise as Juno began to eat what he ordered. “You–” Sergei declared, before being cut off by Juno’s sloppy words. 

“Wow! This fucking tastes like heaven and all that! It’s like. Wow. Phew. Dude, eat it. Come on.” Juno remarked, handing a piece of it to Sergei. Sergei reacted to Juno with amusement before taking what he was given and eating it. 

The hitman did not exactly find the taste amusing in itself. “What is this?” He said in confusion.

“What? You don’t like it?” Juno blurted. “Hm, I don’t know. I like what you got better.” Juno’s face turned into a dazed gaze as they continued to take more of Sergei’s food. “Well, if you say so. I’m saying if you don’t mind, then…” 

Juno slowly took Sergei’s plate off his person and dragged it closer to themself. “Well then.” The hitman uttered, as he grabbed Juno’s plate in tandem. 

Both of them then had a mutual agreement that they liked what the other had to offer. It was a win-win situation all along. As both of them finished up, they began to happily exchange remarks about what they had just eaten. They agreed to disagree on most conversational topics, but the conclusion and impressions left by their interactions were nothing less than positive. Juno then pressed the buzzer to call for the dessert. 

As the waiter came in to put down what they had gotten, Juno asked for the bill as well. As they consumed their fine array of chocolate pastries, sweet treats, and other delicacies, Sergei was handed the bill—a whopping two grand, more or less. Sergei’s eyes widened in reaction, before smiling at the waiter and giving him a confident charm of reassurance. 

“See?” Juno jokingly remarked, “We both lose something this way. My two grand for your one liter of regurgitate, and your two grand for both of our enjoyment.” 

Sergei laughed at Juno’s comment and smirked. “Yeah, but what we ate will go down the drain anyway~” He said, in a sing-songy tone like he always does. 

“Fair, but that’s your money going down the drain, as it was with mine a week ago. This way, you paid the debt you owe to me.” Juno said, smiling. 

“Okay,” Sergei exclaimed. Sergei paid for the experience, and both stood up to leave. Juno grabbed the bag they had previously placed in the basket and went with Sergei trailing just behind. 

As they both walked outside, Juno yanked Sergei’s sleeve up without warning to check the watch that was on his hand. The watch read ‘one forty-five’, and so Juno told the man that they needed to get to immigration now. Sergei had been caught off guard by the act, but he soon reacted to the order, and both of them picked up the pace of their walk. 

Not long after, both arrived at the immigration lane. They waited in line, and the line took over fifteen minutes to move forward. During the wait, Juno would engage in small talk with the people around them, while Sergei indulged in other conversations as well, particularly with those who had found his looks and style endearing. By the time they had reached their turn, Juno placed the bag they had brought earlier onto the conveyor belt, where it had to be scanned. Juno trusted their employer enough to assume that whatever was in that bag was neatly secured, for it would not be discovered; however, Juno may have been wrong. 

Initially, the scan proceeded smoothly. Their employer had been well-prepared for that part. But then, the security officers noticed the strange shapes poking out of the bag and had also taken Juno’s overall style as an invitation for trouble. Who in the world wears Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses to France, anyway? As both Juno and Sergei were about to pass through the scans successfully, Juno was stopped by one of the officers. 

“What’s that you have there?” The female officer said, pointing to the bag Juno was holding. 

“Our things, ma’am,” Juno responded nonchalantly.

 “What sort of things?” The woman questioned further. 

“Ma’am, it’s three pm. Our flight leaves in a few minutes, so we need to go and catch it. And I don’t wanna be stuck here in the land of the free.” Juno declared, humorously. 

“May we please check that bag for a second there?” The woman pressed on further. 

“Lady, we don’t have time for this, come on! I’m saying, it’s just our things. Jackets, imported snacks, I don’t know.” Juno complained. 

“Hmm, it’ll just be a two-minute check, a’ight? You can go ahead and catch your flight later on, okay?” The woman said. Sergei checked his watch and noticed the long and short hands ticking further and further ahead; so, he did what he thought would help.

Sergei checked his watch and noticed the long and short hands ticking further and further ahead; so he did what he thought would help.

“Sorry, ma’am, what seems to be the issue here?” he asked politely, that usual smile still stuck on his face like it was permanent.

“Just a bag check,” the woman replied. “Shouldn’t take more than two minutes.”

Sergei stepped forward slightly and lowered his voice, as if about to share the results of a medical diagnosis. “I understand, ma’am. However, we’re actually on a specialty customs waiver, which allows for diplomatic luggage. I know, weird. But the clients were very clear that we weren’t to open it under any circumstances. It’s tagged under a special clearance code…here.

He pulled out a laminated card, nothing more than a slightly bent hotel key card wrapped in a customs form, and handed it over with confidence only someone like Sergei could fake.

The TSA officer squinted at it. “And this is…?”

“Old protocol. They said not many agents have seen this one before. You can call it in if you want, but we’re seriously cutting it close on time.” Sergei gave the bag a little pat. “It’s just some junk they’re importing through us. Statues. Weird collector stuff. I don’t even know.”

She didn’t really buy it. But the line was long, the clock was ticking, and she wasn’t paid enough to start an international incident over someone’s dumb things.

“You know what? Whatever. Go on. But if this gets flagged later, it’s on your names.”

“Of course. Completely understood,” Sergei said. 

Juno gave him a side glance as they walked off to Jackal and Die Lit, waving at them in the distance. “You had like, a fake customs waiver just lying around? Is that even a thing?”

“No. That was a minibar card from our hotel.”

Juno blinked. “You’re fucking nuts.”

“But alive,” Sergei said with a grin.